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lightning-card-guardianproject.jpg

Now it's not just the Lightning who ended up with a super lame character in the NHL's 'Guardian Project' since it seems every team's character is cringe-because-you-are-embarrassed that the NHL agreed to it. I almost want to take back all those bad things I said about the Lightning Insider and his Dick Tracy-esque photo.

And the terribleness doesn't stop there. No, because Lightning man has a bio to go with his image:
'The Lightning' is a man of action, he is brazen and cocky. Like the pirates who inhabited the Tampa area 200 years ago, he is impetuous and unpredictable. He's feisty and fun and he is a natural ladies man with an in-your-face bravado. He is determined to save the world from harm, and wants to look good doing it. Physically he looks like a dashing young teenager complete with an electric blue Mohawk.  He wears a rubber suit, that resembles a wetsuit but far more durable, that insulates his electrical current and allows him to walk amongst others without burning them to a crisp."
And there's still another paragraph after that. Click here to read the entire thing

"He wears a rubber suit, that resembles a wetsuit but far more durable..." Like who wrote this sh-t?